We got the best dad jokes for you! Remember, the key to a great dad joke is the delivery – say it with confidence and a hearty chuckle at your own joke!
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
- I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
- I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
- I would tell you a joke about an unfinished painting, but it’s not finished yet.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
- Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- Absolutely, here’s another batch of dad jokes for your arsenal:
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
- I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you!”
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a wrap.
- What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- I would tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
- What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- I’ve got a great joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.
- Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
- What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey.
- Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel.
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
- I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. I took it to another level.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
- What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
- Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- Remember, the punnier and more groan-inducing, the better!
- Certainly! Here are more dad jokes, fresh out of the joke oven:
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- I once had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish.
- I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room.
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
- What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not sure you guys are ready for it yet.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
- How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
- Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
- Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowtain.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
- What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- How do you organize an astronomy party? You planet.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Feel free to share these dad jokes and keep the laughter going!